May 20, 2008

One of the main things Barbara and I discovered while doing research for this book is how easy it is to feel lonely as an “empty nester.” During our kids’ teen years many of us put our girl friend relationships “on hold” while we spent time on weekends going to our teen’s events. The little spare time we had was devoted to family events because we wanted to capture every last moment before they left. We didn’t see girl friends as much as we did when our children were toddlers and we were desperate for adult conversation!

Now those toddlers are teens and leaving our nest. Now who do we talk to? Where do we find companionship? Many of us have colleagues but we can’t necessarily share our personal thoughts and feelings with them. We long to have someone with whom we can go deeper. But we are out of practice at this “friends” thing. How do we go about finding friends in this new season?

In our book you’ll find 7 steps to developing new friends. Here’s one of them: Make a list of several women you would like to get to know. Call the first one up and invite her for a walk or a cup of coffee. Ask her questions. I find it helpful to think in terms of 2 categories: schedules and relationships. “What’s a typical week like for you?” (schedule question). “Who is someone who has had a positive impact on your life?” (relationship question). Be interested in her. If you don’t feel you click, don’t be discouraged. Invite another woman out. It may feel scary to begin with but when we take the risk and initiate a get-together we may just be surprised at a new friendship that develops!